Monday, March 20, 2006
Reflections
Well another year has come and will be gone as of Wednesday. As they say it s..... To be me. Lately I have had several reminders that I might be getting old and that things are changing for the better in my life.
I have been 9 yrs with out drugs or alcohol, and the past is in the past. From time to time some of the people from the past pop up in my life. All I have to do is speak to them for a few short minutes to realize we are not on the same pages any more and that my book has gotten a whole lot more interesting.
Just over 4 yrs ago I gave my life back to Christ. It was rocky at first but these days things seem to be on a whole lot more of an even keel. Things that use to disturb me for long periods and send me into hibernation (depressions) for weeks only last for days or hours now. When I trust the Lord he seems to never let me down but to carry me forth. He seems to be my driving force these days.
I am doing things today in my life that I never in a million years thought I would be doing. I go to home league at the church every Tuesday. Most of the women are older than me, but it is very enjoyable to socialize and share with them. I run a bible study every Sunday morning at the church. It is awesome. We have been following the Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. It is a 40 day study that we are doing over 40 weeks. We are on week 17 and thus far we have learned so much of what God is asking us to do. It is also giving me an opportunity to meet and bond with 7 other women that maybe under normal circumstances we would not meet and get to know. I also have had the opportunity to be a youth leader of the older youth, unfortunately most of those youth are so busy in school, with work and life that they do not want to spend time at youth group but with their boyfriends/girlfriends, friends and just plan socializing.
I never dreamed that I would ever be this involved with the happenings at my church. I use to feel like an outsider sitting looking in but never as I belong. Today I feel I do belong and that people respect me and value me as a member. It takes a long time but eventually as they see you in action, people start to warm up to you.
My circles of friends have changed drastically from the old days. Most of my friends today are from my church. Most of them accept me for who I am and encourage me to keep up the positive changes in my life. I have no desire for the old life and hate when the old Alexis pop in from time to time for visits. Those visits are usually short and are dangerous, but I see them more rapidly these days and nip them right in the bud.
God is God, God is great, God Loves me and I love me. Wow who would ever think I would be saying that.
I am turning 45 years old this week and I am single, never married, no children, and am on disability. This is not exactly how I pictured my life would be at 45. I think it is exactly where God wanted me to be. He is still molding me for bigger and bigger things. I am not sure what but in his time he will revel it to me. I may not have children but I have 1 niece, 7 nephews and friends with children and grandchildren, who I can share in their lives. It is so very awesome. God has blessed me with other people’s children.
Even though I am not where I thought I would be I am exactly where he wants me to be and he is building me and molding me for something. Am I willing and ready, I think so. Am I preparing for it, I hope so. In his time I will know what it is he is asking of me and I pray I am up to hearing, seeing and speaking what it is he is asking of me.
Another thing that happened in my life that I have always wanted to do but never thought it would happen did happen this year. I was able to go and serve my fellow man in the USA after Katrina hit. This was awesome. I got to speak to the people, pray with them, and give them words of encouragement. I want to do so much more of this kind of work. I believe and trust God will lead me there when the time is right.
So at 45 years old I am not sure what my life is about, but each day that I have had regrets they are starting to dissipate and I am starting to prepare for his work. What I do know even though this is not the path I thought I would be on God has taken me on this route for a reason and will take to where ever he wants me to be.
I am blessed with a wonderful family, great friends, a fabulous church and church family. I am blessed to be alive, fairly healthy and am working towards a healthier life style. So I am glad to becoming older and wiser this year.
